Weddings
Birthdays
Engagement parties
Hen and stag dos
Anniversaries
Baby showers
Christenings and naming days
Bar and bat mitzvahs
Reunions
Celebrations of life
Any other gatheringHow to plan a 40th birthday party people actually turn up to
By 40, most of your friends have children, mortgages and a calendar that fills up about three months ahead. That’s the main thing to plan around: not the theme, not the cake, but getting people to commit to a Saturday night. I threw my own 40th last year and have been to plenty of others. Here’s what made the difference, and it applies just as well to a 30th, 50th or 60th.
Decide what kind of night it is
There are roughly three kinds of milestone birthday: a big party with everyone, a dinner for twelve close friends, or a trip away with a handful. Each has a different guest list, budget and timeline, so pick one before you book anything. Trying to do all three usually means doing none of them well.
Invite early, especially parents
Send a save the date eight to twelve weeks ahead, and the details four to six weeks before. Friends with young children need to arrange babysitters; friends further away need to book trains and somewhere to stay. Say whether children are welcome, in writing, before anyone asks.
Venues that work
Book the venue first, then build the rest around it. For Saturdays in December and the summer, book three months out or more.
- The function room above a good pub: often free to hire with a minimum spend on the bar
- A restaurant’s private dining room for a seated dinner
- A village hall with your own food and a playlist, for the cheapest big party
- A big rented house for a weekend, split between the group
Surprise or not
Surprise parties are wonderful for some people and quietly awful for others. If you’re planning one for someone else, ask their partner or best friend honestly which they are. A “semi-surprise” works well: they know there’s a dinner, but not that everyone from university is coming.
For a surprise, keep everything off the group chat they’re in, and give guests one place to check the details and reply.
Budget and who pays
If you’re hosting, you pay for the venue and some food; a tab at the bar up to a set amount is generous and keeps costs predictable. If friends are organising a trip, agree a per-person cost at the start and say whether the birthday person’s share is split between the group. Most fallings-out about milestone birthdays are about money that wasn’t mentioned.
Invitation wording
“Tom is turning 40. Come and help him celebrate on Saturday 13 March, 8pm until late, upstairs at The Crown, Stroud. Food, drinks and a playlist he’s been working on for months.”
“No gifts, please” is fine to say. If people insist, suggest a charity or a contribution to something specific, like the trip.