How to plan a stag do: a survival guide for the best man

Ask the groom what he actually wants

The stag is for the groom, not for the loudest person in the chat. Ask him three questions: who must be there, what he’d love, and what he’d hate. Some grooms want paintball and a steak; some want a quiet weekend fishing; some genuinely want to be dressed as a giant baby in Newcastle. Find out which before anyone books anything.

If it’s a surprise, check with his partner. They know exactly how much embarrassment he can take, and they’ll be living with the consequences.

The least successful stag I’ve been on was built around what the organiser wanted. The groom was a good sport about it all weekend, which is not the same as enjoying it.

Set the budget first, out loud

Industry figures put a typical two-night UK stag at roughly £200 to £400 a head once you add travel, food and drinks, and a European weekend can easily double that. That’s a lot of money to someone saving for a house, or paying for childcare that weekend.

Put a per-person number in the very first message, say what it covers, and plan to it. Split the groom’s share across the group and say that too. People can say yes or no to a number. What they can’t do is budget for “we’ll sort it out after”.

• One clear per-person figure, agreed with the groom or his closest mates
• What it includes: accommodation, activities, a meal, travel or not
• A cheaper option, like joining for one night, for anyone who needs it
• No surprise “top-ups” on the night. Ever.

Dates: book early, ask few

Pick two or three weekends with the groom, then ask the core five or six, not the whole group. Aim for one to two months before the wedding, and start planning three to six months ahead, more if you’re going abroad. Flights and big houses go fast on summer weekends, and so does everyone’s annual leave.

Home or away

A UK city (Newcastle, Liverpool, Edinburgh, Bristol) gives you a big night without flights, and lets people come for one night if they need to. A house in the countryside works for mixed groups: dads, uncles, school mates and the groom’s new brother-in-law all have somewhere to go. Abroad is the big one, and the one where costs and drop-outs climb. Be honest about who your group is before you book Prague.

Activities that work for a mixed group

Mixed ages are easier than they look: plan the day around the older half and the evening around the younger half, and most people will be happy most of the time.

• Something competitive that doesn’t need talent: go-karting, clay pigeons, crazy golf, axe throwing
• A proper meal where everyone sits down at once, ideally somewhere you’ve booked
• A quiz about the groom, with a few questions written by his partner
• Something for the morning after that involves a breakfast and not much else
• Time off: not every minute needs an activity

Collecting money without falling out

Get deposits in early, while everyone is still excited. Ask for the balance about a month before. Keep a running tally that everyone can see, so you’re never chasing someone privately for £85. Only book the expensive things once deposits are in, and book refundable where you can, because somebody always drops out.

Keep the plan in one place

The group chat is where plans go to die. By Friday it’s 600 messages of GIFs and nobody knows the address. Put the essentials in one place: times, addresses, who’s sleeping where, what to bring, what it costs and who’s paid. An invite-only page with RSVPs does the job, and the groom’s dad can find the hotel without asking.

Then send one last message the day before: where to be, when, and what to wear. Keep it short. They won’t read anything longer.

Look after the groom (and everyone else)

Your actual job on the day is making sure everyone gets home. Have the addresses saved, the taxi numbers handy, and a plan for the person who peaks at 7pm. Keep anything risky optional, keep anyone’s passport away from the groom, and remember the photos will be seen by his future in-laws.