Is it too late to send a condolence message?

Almost never. Weeks or months later is fine; you can simply say "I’ve only just heard" or "I’ve been thinking of you".

Should I mention the person who died by name?

Yes, if you knew it. Many bereaved people say hearing the name is a comfort, because others start avoiding it.

Is a text message appropriate?

Yes. A short, kind message is better than a perfect card that never gets sent.

What to write in a condolence message

Sammy at hitherHosts and guests · 5 min read · Updated 2 November 2026

Most of us freeze at a sympathy card. We worry about saying the wrong thing, so we say nothing, or we write "thinking of you" and feel it isn’t enough. It usually is enough. What people remember afterwards isn’t the wording; it’s who got in touch. Here’s how to write something that helps.

The simple shape that works

Say you’re sorry"I was so sorry to hear about your dad." Use their name if you knew them.
Share something trueA memory, a quality you admired, or how they spoke about the person. One sentence is plenty.
Offer something specific, or nothing"I’ll drop a meal round on Thursday" helps. "Let me know if you need anything" mostly doesn’t, because grieving people rarely ask.
Close warmly"With love", "Thinking of you all", or simply your name.

Examples

Close friend: "I’m so sorry about your mum. I’ll never forget her singing in the kitchen at your eighteenth. I’m bringing dinner on Thursday, and I’m here whenever you want to talk, or not talk. All my love."
Colleague: "I was very sorry to hear of your loss. Please take all the time you need; we’ve got things covered here. Thinking of you and your family."
Someone you didn’t know well: "I was so sorry to hear about Margaret. She was always kind to me at the school gate. Thinking of you all."
When you didn’t know the person who died: "I’m so sorry. I know how much your grandad meant to you. Sending you love."

What to avoid

If you’ve already said one of these, don’t worry. Grieving people know you meant well.

"Everything happens for a reason" or "they’re in a better place", unless you know the family shares that belief
"I know how you feel". Even with a similar loss, you don’t quite, and it moves the attention to you
Questions about how they died
Silver linings: "at least they had a long life"

Cards, messages and tribute walls

A handwritten card is still lovely, and families often keep them. A text or WhatsApp message is completely fine, especially early on. If the family has made a memorial page, a tribute there means they can read it when they’re ready, alongside everyone else’s memories.

If you hear late, write anyway. A message three months on, when the cards have stopped, can mean more than one in the first week.