Who should get a plus-one at a wedding?

Commonly anyone married, engaged or living with a partner, the wedding party, and guests who won’t know anyone else. Choose one rule and apply it to everyone.

Is it rude to not give a plus-one?

No. Most guests understand that numbers and budgets are limited. Being consistent matters more than being generous.

How do you say no plus-ones politely?

Address the invitation only to the guest, and add a line on your website explaining you can only welcome those named on invitations.

Can I ask to bring a plus-one to a wedding?

You can, once, politely, especially if you’re in a serious relationship. Accept the answer gracefully either way.

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Plus-ones and children at weddings: who to invite and how to say it

Jason at hitherInvitations and RSVPs · 6 min read · Updated 1 November 2026

Plus-ones and children cause more awkward messages than any other part of a guest list. It isn’t really about the extra meal. It’s that every exception you make becomes a precedent somebody else will politely point out. I’ve been the guest asking and the friend being asked. Here’s how to set rules you can stick to, and how to say them kindly.

Decide the rule before anyone asks

A rule you’ve decided in advance is much easier to hold than one you make up while someone is asking. Most couples land on one of these: plus-ones for anyone married, engaged or living with a partner; plus-ones for anyone in a relationship you’ve heard of; or plus-ones for everyone. Pick one and apply it to everyone, including your own friends.

A useful test is whether you’d recognise the partner in a photo. If you wouldn’t, and they aren’t married, engaged or living together, it’s fair to leave them off.

Who usually gets one

Married, engaged and long-term live-in partners, named on the invitation
Members of the wedding party, so they aren’t working the day alone
Guests who’ll know nobody else, which is a kindness rather than a rule
Anyone travelling a long way, especially abroad

Children

Adults-only weddings are common and nobody reasonable will hold it against you. The tricky bit is exceptions. If you’re inviting nieces and nephews but not friends’ children, or babies in arms but not toddlers, say so clearly on the website so it reads as a rule rather than a slight.

Give parents plenty of notice. Childcare for an evening is one thing; childcare for a weekend in Cornwall is something people need to plan for months ahead.

Say it on the invitation

The names on the invitation do most of the work. “Dear Chris” means Chris. “Dear Chris and guest” means Chris may bring someone. Your RSVP should match: if guests reply online for their household, they’ll only see the people actually invited, which avoids a surprising number of awkward conversations.

A line on the website does the rest: “We’ve kept our numbers small, so we can only welcome those named on your invitation. Thank you for understanding.”

When someone asks anyway

Someone will. Be kind, brief and consistent: “We’d love to, but we’ve had to keep numbers tight and we’re not able to offer plus-ones beyond partners. We really hope you can still come.” Don’t give a long explanation, which invites negotiation, and don’t make one exception, which invites ten.

If your circumstances change, for example several people decline and you have room, it’s fine to extend plus-ones later. Just do it evenly.