Weddings
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Celebrations of life
Any other gatheringHow to ask for money as a wedding gift (and how much guests give)
Most couples now live together before they marry, and own more toasters than they need. So it makes sense to ask for money, or for help with a honeymoon or a house deposit. The trouble is that asking for money feels awkward to write, and a clumsy poem about wishing wells doesn’t really help. Here’s how to ask plainly and graciously, and what guests usually expect to give.
Is it acceptable to ask for money?
Yes, and most guests prefer knowing what would help to guessing. The etiquette is in the tone, not the request. Keep it short, keep it optional, and put it on your website rather than on the invitation itself, so the invitation stays about inviting.
Wording you can use
“Your company on the day is the best gift of all. If you’d like to give something, a contribution towards our honeymoon in Japan would be very gratefully received.”
“We’re lucky to have a home full of everything we need. If you’d like to mark the day, we’re saving for our first house, and anything towards that would mean a lot.”
“No gifts needed. But if you insist, we’d love help with one or two things on our list, or a donation to St Christopher’s Hospice, which looked after Dad.”
Leave out the poems. A straightforward sentence reads as more sincere, and nobody has ever been charmed into generosity by a rhyme about a wishing well.
Make it personal
A fund is easier to give to when guests can picture what it pays for. Breaking a honeymoon into experiences, a cookery class in Kyoto or a night on the sleeper train, lets people choose something with a story. A short list of real items alongside the fund suits guests who’d rather give something they can wrap.
How much do guests give?
In a 2024 YouGov poll, most Britons said £50 to £100 is right for a wedding gift for someone close, and £50 or less for someone they’re less close to. Family and the wedding party tend to give more; guests who’ve travelled a long way or paid for a hen or stag weekend often give less, and that’s fair.
Don’t mention amounts. Ever. Guests will work it out, and any number you write will be read as a price.
Practical bits
- Say on your website how to give: a fund link, bank details shared privately, or a card box on the day
- If there’s a card box at the venue, make sure someone is in charge of it at the end of the night
- Keep a list of who gave what, so your thank-you notes can be specific
- Send thank-yous within about three months, and mention what you’ll spend the gift on